Mary: “…you can accomplish a lot by doing just a little gesture”

I just want to share a story that happened a few years ago to show that as a bystander, you can accomplish a lot by doing just a little gesture.

It was at Gare du Midi (Zuidstation) late in the evening, at almost midnight. When I stepped on the platform, there was just another girl sitting there. A really weird guy arrived, he looked very drunk/high/I don’t even know. And the girl who was there, she saw him and she freaked out and ran away, which made me think he probably had annoyed her previously, because that was not a normal reaction.

So I was alone, there was just me and the weird guy, who was walking aimlessly, stopping to look at the ground and everything. Considering how the girl had just ran away, I really didn’t feel safe at all. Then another woman arrived and she sat next to me, which reassured me a lil bit because I wasn’t alone anymore.

And then the guy, he came to us, and he started talking to the woman. He was grabbing his pants, saying to the woman, in French “You want it, bitch? Huh? You want it? You want to suck it, slut?” And the woman, she didn’t speak French. She was saying “Please sir, I don’t understand, please stop it”.

And her voice was begging, she sounded scared and desperate, and I was sitting next to her, thinking “What am I supposed to do? He’s stronger than me, he’s crazy, so that makes him a double threat. But I can’t just stand there and do nothing! How many times did that kind of thing happened to me, without anyone helping me? I can’t sit there and let this woman go through what I’ve been through so many times!”

So I just thought that the best I could do was to talk to the woman instead of calling the harasser off, and take her away from the threat. I put my hand on her arm and I said “Come with me.” She gladly followed. The guy followed us a bit, insulting us. He kicked in her suitcase and he spat at me, then he walked away and left the platform. The woman was pretty shaken up but grateful that I had ‘helped’ her.

I guess what I’m trying to say is, if you witness some form of harassment:

1. You don’t need to be strong or badass to help. The littlest thing can be incredibly helpful for the victim.
2. If you are scared, think about all the times something like that happened to you without anyone helping you. It gives you enough adrenaline to help, because you remember how you felt and how you hated being so helpless.

Solidarity is one of the best weapons against these people. Of course, every situation is different, some might get violent, you never know how things will turn out. But never forget that just a little gesture can help a lot.

Mary.

4 Antwoorden

De reacties van de auteur zijn in een donkergrijze kleur zodat je de auteur posts tussen de reacties eenvoudig kan terugvinden.

1. Stephanie zegt:

   augustus 20, 2012 om 10:49

   I just want to say that you are a hero for what you did! If every girl would help other girls in simple ways like that, we would all be stronger!

   Beantwoorden
2. Debby zegt:

   augustus 20, 2012 om 21:19

   Je hebt groot gelijk, solidariteit is een groot deel van de oplossing! :-) Was iedereen maar zoals jij! :-)

   Beantwoorden
3. hollaback! brussels zegt:

   augustus 28, 2012 om 22:17

   Dear Mary,
   Thank you so much for being the perfect bystander and helping this woman out of the situation! You really had her back! You’re so right when saying “Solidarity is one of the best weapons against these people”. Thank you for showing your solidarity and let’s hope that a lot of people will follow your example!

   Your Hollaback!Brussels team

   Beantwoorden
4. hollaback! brussels zegt:

   september 6, 2012 om 18:29

   another comment on the English section of this site:

   Wouter says:
   September 6, 2012 at 16:51

   Hey Mary,
   I totally agree with you.
   I find it unbelievable how most bystanders just pretend like they don’t see or hear what’s happening and don’t intervene. Sure, you can lay the responsibility on politicians and police; and yes there should be more work done there, but I don’t think that the problem will improve magically with fines (that are impossible to enforce anyway)or better education (schools already have a hard time teaching kids how to read and write.)
   Personally, I am a pretty big guy and so, it’s easier for me to set someone straight when they cross the line. I’ve ended up in the hospital when I dared to tell some fool and his three buddies to use his own toilet rather than peeing on my façade in Saint-Gilles (they didn’t appreciate the comment.) I’ve stopped an armed robbery in a video store near la Bourse, chased a few “sack-jackers,” stopped two guys from braking into a parked car in my street… I get into countless arguments with drivers who decide their time is more precious than mine and that the rules don’t apply to them etc…
   I don’t mean that everyone should intervene physically (most of the time a few polite but firm words, a show of solidarity should suffice) but I do believe that most of these offenders, often quite young, are like children testing the limits. It is up to all of us to create a climate in the public realm where it is clear that this kind of behavior is not tolerated here.
   More to the subject, I don’t get verbally abused in the streets myself, but I hear this complaint from women close to me (wife, sisters, colleagues) all the time. It drives me crazy to hear that is happening constantly in Brussels, a city that I love. In fact, this is one of the factors that motivated us to move from Saint-Gilles to Uccle after my wife complained about this kind of verbal abuse daily. Again, my sisters and colleagues tell the same story and I find it totally unacceptable that women feel unsafe in our city.
   I’ve lived in New-York, Madrid, Rome, Athens and sure men try to come on to women everywhere in the world, but I find this quite different from insults or spitting etc. that are common in Brussels when a woman makes it clear that she has no interest. Compliments, pick-up lines are one thing but the main problem in Brussels is downright aggressive behavior and the climate of fear it creates.
   I think we all have to stand for the values we believe in. Belgium is country of emancipation, freedom and democracy. Equal rights and respect for women are the result of centuries of struggle and still need much improvement: let’s not let the tendency reverse. We should all stand our ground, and not lay the responsibility on institutions alone. Solidarity does go a long way. When we see this kind of behavior, we should all stand and make our opinion clear!

   Beantwoorden